My 9 Principles and 1 Value: Take that, Glenn Beck.

Since I am Awesome - relentlessly so - it is my duty to keep everyone informed of things that are similarly Awesome. By the same token, it is my duty to make sure you stay on top of things that aren't; of people who are assholes.

And Glenn Beck is an asshole.

There's a lot of pundits I can't stand - some of whom I even agree heartily with - but usually I can let them go. Not the case here, for the more my bosses at work fail to recognize that their Dish Network package includes news outlets besides Fox News, the more I'm forced to hear his hyper-Conservative harangues and have to go in the back and count to ten.

I've got a long list of things that piss me off and his self-championed "9/12 Project" is up there (clicky-clicky.) The "9/12 Project" was named for Glenn Beck's call to unity - for us all to unite as we did the day after 9/11. Except, of course, for the families of the 9/11 victims, whom Glenn Beck has expressly said he hates and wishes would shut the fuck up already. (Because, as everyone knows, asking why three thousand people were killed in one morning in three cities is completely unpatriotic.) So in answer to Beck's 9 Principles and 12 Values, I give you my own. I've edited where I see fit (in bold), and you'll also notice that while it takes Beck twelve values to accomplish his message, I can knock it out in one. Fuck you.

1. America is good pretty good, but sometimes we can be arrogant shitheads and we need to work on that.
2. I believe in God and He is the center of my life. I may not ever fully believe in God and that's okay. In the meanwhile I'll try to be the best person I can and make the world a better place where possible.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I Fox News was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government. Also, spouses can be of the same sex if that's what you're into.
5. If you break the law, you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it. Not even Presidents who use illegal wiretaps and torture methods.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results. But sometimes not everyone has the same shot, and the government should help out to a reasonable degree.
   
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable. Those who have the most should give the most.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. No, seriously, Glenn Beck/Bill O'Reilly/Sean Hannity.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me. While we're at it, so do you. Go make me a sandwich. Extra banana peppers.
   

And my one virtue:

Honesty, Reverence, Hope, Thrift, Humility, Charity, Sincerity, Moderation, Hard Work, Courage, Personal Responsibility, Gratitude Awesomeness